LOVE THE ONE YOU'RE WITH

The song “Love the One You’re With” was first released by Stephen Stills in 1970. The story goes that the song was inspired by Stills’ longing for his girlfriend while performing in London, while his girlfriend was back in the states. A fellow singer responded to his longing by saying, “Love the one you’re with.” The song would go on to become one of Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young’s greatest hits.

I first listened to the Isley Brothers’ version of the song in 1971. Although the lyrics resonated with me because I too was pining for someone who didn’t love me back, it was that funky “Isley” beat that first captured my attention. Back then, I enjoyed dancing and could cut some impressive moves on the dance floor.  

What’s your interpretation of “Love the one you’re with?” Does it align with the free-spirited, hippie-type love characteristic of the sixties?  Does it mean that even though you may be miserable in your present relationship, you should love the person anyway and work on making things better? Or could “love the one you’re with” mean loving yourself first?

I prefer the latter interpretation. Now I’m no authority on love, but here’s something I do know: When it comes to romantic relationships, If I had learned to love myself first- the one I’m with 24/7, before I professed my love for others, I could have avoided a lot of disappointment and heartbreak and would have been drawn to those who also possessed self-love.

Self-love is not a conceited or selfish kind of love that makes you feel more important or better than anyone else. Instead, it is the foundation for loving others; the energy that binds people together. Self-love is the highest gift you can give to yourself. It improves your health. It enhances job performance. It ends self-neglect, self- sabotage, violence and abuse. It also reduces addictions. Self-love makes everything better!

Gratitude opened my eyes to another perspective on the phrase, “love the one you’re with:” When you can’t be with the one you love due to distance, love the ones nearby. I cook big dinners on Sundays and would love to share them with my birth son. However, he lives four hours away. I don’t sit around whining about him not being here to eat with us; I share with my godson and others who appreciate a home-cooked meal and when my birth son visits, I appreciate and enjoy his presence even more. It’s a win-win situation that demonstrates the power of grateful living!

When people say to me that their blood relatives ignore them and won’t answer their phone calls, I tell them:  “Don’t sweat it, love the ones you’re with. There are plenty of non-blood relatives who would be happy to see or hear from you. Reach out to them. They may be in nursing homes, retirement homes, hospitals, or it might be a friend or neighbor. The family member(s) you’re missing will come around in due time. When they do, you will appreciate them even more. Stop complaining and “love the one you’re with.”

If you find yourself yearning to be with someone who can’t love you back, regardless of the circumstances, be grateful and love the ones you’re with. And guess what? That love will be reciprocated every single time!

Need help learning to love yourself first?  I can help with workshops and one-on-on coaching. Contact me at smallchange@myrtlerussell.com